why student teaching is difficult
I have never felt so many different emotions in my life. I don't ever want to go back to the class I am working with for several reasons that I can't really talk about because it would break the confidentiality code of student teachers. However, I do not ever want to leave the students in the class I am working in. I love each and every one of them in their own unique ways.I had an assistant that I have known my whole time at Grace (she was my hall mom freshman year) tell me that she didn't even realize I have been stressed this semester. That was a relief because I don't want to be walking around the school letting students know how stressed I truly am. She went on to say that she understands exactly why (and she didn't even know I had behavior issues in my class... she knew the true reason for the stress). It makes me feel better that everyone who has experienced the person causing me stress understands why I am struggling. As my college advisor said this week while she was there on a visit "I hope you are realizing more everyday that you aren't the problem". While I am... it is a continual frustration because it would be easier to just change the thing I was doing to cause the problem where as in this I can't because it is not in my power to change the situation. And then I wonder why my college put me in this situation since they seem to have known about the problem...
The only thing I can do is follow the commands of Christ... to love those who mistreat you... to count it all joy when I face various trials, because I know that the testing of my faith produces perseverence!... to rejoice always and pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances... to not be anxious about everything but give it over to God in prayer so he can give me peace... to live a life in front of the world above reproach...
The thankful for things is the one that is probably easiest for me right now... I am thankful for my college supervisor, full of encouragment, even if she doesn't have answers and is just as frustrated with the situation as I am... I am thankful that God gave me students this semester who needed to experience unconditional love along with loving limits... I am thankful for a roomate and apartment mates that are fun and ready to encourage... I am thankful that God is always there even in a school where he is not aknowledged... I am thankful for other teachers in the school who come by to encourage me... I am thankful for parents of my students who have encouraged me... I am thankful for an old friend that I can pray with every Wednesday because that is keeping me sane... I am thankful that God is trying to build character in me through difficulty...
The thing I am struggling with the most is how to love someone who does not treat me in a loving manner... how to respond to all the negativity... how to respond to the pain of felt rejection... how can I not respond in like manner... how can I show her the love of Christ?
Fortunately I have one more day to prepare to show love and respect to this person even though it is not what I feel... it is what I must do...
Here is a quote I came accross
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."
Marilyn vos Savant
This weekend I have felt defeated by this problem due to a Friday after school occurance... but I can't give up... Monday I will get up and remember that God's strength is sufficient for me...
1 Comments:
Oh! I know how hard it is to get along with people who can be difficult! I have not had a whole lot of experience with it, but the amount I have is enough to sympathize. I'll be praying for you. God can do amazing things and He is with you!
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